Brenda's Journey

Here is mine:

Ah, where to begin?? Perhaps at the beginning?

I wish I had kept a journal through the years , but since that is not the case I will try to recollect everything as I remember it.

Here Goes:

Like many of you out there I have lost and regained weight too many times to count. Was it because I didn’t care enough about ME? Probably. I have been a caretaker (nurse) my whole working career, and was busy caring for and nurturing others that I neglected myself. But, alas, it was probably even more than this .

Like Oprah, and I know many others, (I have learned that I am far from alone here) I was molested as a young child by a family member. This person always told me I “would never amount to anything”. This was so deep rooted in my subconscious I guess I believed it without really ever “knowing” it.

In addition, on my mothers side of the family, the females were all overweight. I figured this was my destiny as well, that I had inherited the “gene” and I couldn’t really change that. Diabetes, heart disease, and hypertension all ran on that side of the family with my maternal grandmother dying at age 52 of her third heart attack !!

Having turned to food as a solace and means of comfort early in life, I was a “fat” kid all through junior high and high school and grew up with the ridiculing and the brunt of many a fat joke. At 5’ 2’ and 189 lbs. (heaviest weight ever) in my junior year of high school, I started dieting at the age of 17. During the 1970’s diet pills were everywhere and that is how I lost a lot of weight - THEN, but of course I found it again. I would yo-yo several times from here, being a member of TOPS (Take off Pounds Sensibly) Diet Workshop, following the Richard Simmons Deal -a Meal, and I was successful at losing weight every time but never kept it off .

Then in my early 30’s I thought I finally had a handle on it. I was attending Diet Workshop, lost about 40 lbs and was 5 lbs from goal at that time, but never made goal, was it fear of success? I think so , after all I was always told “ I couldn’t do anything right”. Even though by this point in my life I had already successfully put MYSELF through nursing school . So what was the problem here??

At age 35 , at 136 pounds, ( 5 lbs from goal at that time) I met the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I got comfortable in the relationship and started to gain weight again, the relationship fell apart after 7 years , my weight continued to skyrocket over the next few years until January of 2006. By this time I had reached 187 lbs. Two lbs. away from my all time heaviest weight!

I knew Weight Watchers worked because I had done it successfully before in the early 2000‘s attending meetings . But the notion of attending weekly meetings again didn’t thrill me. Then in January of 2006 I joined Weight Watchers on-line . This has been the best weight loss experience I could ask for. From the Weight Watchers Boards I learned of another place called Halfmysize and signed up to be accountable for my daily exercise. I have met some wonderful people on both boards, who care about me as I go through the same experiences -ups and downs, trials and tribulations with food as they do.

I am also involved with a weight loss program at work, not for myself, but for helping my veteran patients to lose weight , it is called MOVE . If you are a veteran reading this and need to lose weight check it out. You will find a link to the website by clicking favorite web places. 

I have been involved with MOVE since September of 2006 . The veterans (guys AND gals) in my class know I have lost a lot of weight recently. They keep me motivated because many of them, despite their limitations with exercise, and health problems, are doing so well losing weight. So as an educator on weight loss with these patients it wouldn’t look too good if I gained weight in front of their eyes!! I have great respect and admiration for them all!!

I am now almost 50 years old , going through menopause, (UUGGHH!! ) BUT, have NO real health problems. I know that if I continued to gain weight again or did not lose, that soon I may end up with some inherited health issues, at a relatively young age.

I am now about 10 -15 pounds from where I need to be, and because I am older, I know it will be harder, BUT I know that it CAN be done, and I WILL get it done. I may end up with some of these conditions later in life but at least I won’t have to worry about an extra 40 lbs on top of it.

I have now come to terms with who I am and know I am a person deserving of being healthy and happy. I have also stopped blaming myself for past failed relationships , because after much soul searching, I realize they just were not the right person for me, and it was not my fault. Besides, with any of the relationships I was in , I would have been “settling”, and quite frankly I would rather be alone!! I am totally content being who I am as an individual. If I am meant to be with someone in this life ,I will be.

I know the rest of this weight is going to be a huge struggle, but it is not a race. I have faced my demons and know why I have not been successful at keeping it off in the past. , and with that behind me I know I can make it with the help of those who truly care about me… including MYSELF!! After all, you have to like yourself and who YOU are first!!

That is my story and I am sticking to it!!!

I would like to take the time to thank those that have helped me along this final leg of my journey. Why final? Because the weight is NEVER coming back.

First to Weight Watchers for having an awesome website, the tools for help there are endless!!! Pam for creating Halfmysize, and to all my friends there past and present : Dundee gal( Gigi) , mrsklean (Joyce), miss you both!! Amber ?? Have you dissappeeared into cyberspace??and last but not least ca_vol-you rock !! You guys are the best!!!

And to those friends outside of cyberspace--

Thanks to Sandy- one of the best co-workers a gal could ask for. I started motivating her to exercise in the beginning and now we motivate each other. You can view her freewebs page at http://www.freewebs.com/sandys01/blog.htm. She has some awsome bracelets that she makes to see there..

Also, thanks to Liz (Lydia) who told me I didn’t want to be a FF- I miss you!! And I WILL visit you in Florida soon!!

 Thanks to all my veteran patients in the MOVE program....Believe it or not while I try to inspire you --you all inspire me more than you know! Thank-You!!

Last of all a very special thank-you to 2 of my dearest friends:

Al- You are like a brother to me you’ve been there for 35 years through (my) “thick “ and “thin” !! Thanks for being my friend.

Helene- My “spiritual sister” !! Thank-you for helping me find my “goddess within”, and for helping me realize my potential.

Love you all to pieces!!!

One last thing- Food is now my friend , I have learned to nurture my body with it and not abuse myself with it. I have had enough abuse for one lifetime. Food and I FINALLY have an amicable relationship !!

I know it may take me just as long to get rid of the last 10-15 lbs as it did the first 40, but that is okay with me.

I will keep you all posted of my progress !!